It’s Wednesday – December 24, 2014

Boker tov.

So, it is the last hours of Chanukah and the eve of Christmas Eve with Kwanzaa close behind. It feels like the Harpers Ferry of religious celebration. I think we are all in need of some celebrating, because the news has been non-stop especially awful of late.  So let me try to bring a little holiday cheer with a hodgepodge of items on the lighter side.

A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” The man says, “I make a good living.”

Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.” Doctor: “Don’t answer.”

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his own bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage,  “Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”  The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $58,000 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,200,000 it says in the text) when you and I are doing basically the same work?” The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…”Try doing it with the engine running! ”

It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. “Would you like dinner?”  the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front. “What are my choices?” Moshe asked. “Yes or no,” she replied.

A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word:  “Shmuck.” At the next Shabbat service the Rabbi announced,  “I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name…and forgot to write a letter.”

[Post fall holiday comments of an ordinary Jew not so much more traditional than us]  I love being Jewish because it’s such a logical, rational religion!   In the past month I:  blew a ram’s horn, ate a fish head, threw bread into a stream, dressed in a suit and sneakers, prayed and fasted for 25 hours, built and ate in a tent with a bamboo ceiling (sometimes in the rain), spent 3 consecutive days with my in laws and three more with my parents, walked around with a palm branch and a citrus fruit, whipped willow branches on the floor, ate roughly 8 lbs of meat, used 6 vacation days without leaving my neighborhood and spent almost as much time in shul as I did in my office.

Enjoy this Wednesday.  We have a great crowd coming tonight for Chinese Food and a Movie, a nice new Beth El Christmas Eve tradition. And holiday hours for minyanim begin (including 5:30 Thursday night) and there is always a special thanks if you can help make the necessary quorum in the next ten days.    Best,  Bill Rudolph