So, it is the last hours of Chanukah and the eve of Christmas Eve with Kwanzaa close behind. It feels like the Harpers Ferry of religious celebration. I think we are all in need of some celebrating, because the news has been non-stop especially awful of late. So let me try to bring a little holiday cheer with a hodgepodge of items on the lighter side.
A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” The man says, “I make a good living.”
Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.” Doctor: “Don’t answer.”
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his own bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?” The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $58,000 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,200,000 it says in the text) when you and I are doing basically the same work?” The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…”Try doing it with the engine running! ”
It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front. “What are my choices?” Moshe asked. “Yes or no,” she replied.
A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: “Shmuck.” At the next Shabbat service the Rabbi announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name…and forgot to write a letter.”
[Post fall holiday comments of an ordinary Jew not so much more traditional than us] I love being Jewish because it’s such a logical, rational religion! In the past month I: blew a ram’s horn, ate a fish head, threw bread into a stream, dressed in a suit and sneakers, prayed and fasted for 25 hours, built and ate in a tent with a bamboo ceiling (sometimes in the rain), spent 3 consecutive days with my in laws and three more with my parents, walked around with a palm branch and a citrus fruit, whipped willow branches on the floor, ate roughly 8 lbs of meat, used 6 vacation days without leaving my neighborhood and spent almost as much time in shul as I did in my office.
Enjoy this Wednesday. We have a great crowd coming tonight for Chinese Food and a Movie, a nice new Beth El Christmas Eve tradition. And holiday hours for minyanim begin (including 5:30 Thursday night) and there is always a special thanks if you can help make the necessary quorum in the next ten days. Best, Bill Rudolph