WHEN DEATH OCCURS: A HELPFUL GUIDE FOR
THOSE WHO NEED TO MAKE FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS

Contact Rabbi Rudolph first: 301-652-2606/ext. 318
 
If he does not pick up, contact the synagogue office: 301-652-2606

After office hours, call the following numbers in this sequence until you have reached one of these synagogue officers who can provide the information you need more immediately:

Rabbi Rudolph: 301-897-8010
Rabbi Harris: 301-928-7288
Hazzan Lubin: 301-718-9426
Darryl Sherman (Chevra Kaddisha Chair): 301-656-5263


FUNERAL HOMES
Beth El members are free to choose whichever funeral home they prefer. All the following have been used by our members to their satisfaction. They are listed in alphabetic order. Each provides a different level of service and the costs vary. Our clergy can help sort out this information.

Danzansky-Goldberg 301-340-1400
Hines-Rinaldi 301-622-2290
Edward Sagel 301-217-9400
Torchinsky 202-541-1001

Beth El currently has a contract with Hines-Rinaldi, as do many synagogues, which provides for funeral services at very competitive costs. All the funeral homes provide an array of services. FTC regulations require full disclosure of funeral rates.

Purchasing mortuary services before a loved one dies is often possible. This is called a “pre-need” purchase. As opposed to the purchase of cemetery plots, it is totally appropriate to make no arrangements for mortuary services until death has taken place. Since death is sometimes sudden and often not predictable, in many cases arrangements can only be made after death. If you value the peace of mind that comes with pre-need arrangements, you should feel free to make them.

CEMETERIES
There are a number of Jewish cemeteries in the Washington area. Some belong to long-standing congregations. Beth El does not have its own cemetery. Feel free to consult with the clergy in deciding where to purchase plots. It is wise to do this planning and purchase long before the plots will be needed. It relieves the family of a difficult decision if death comes unexpectedly. In addition to the plot itself, it is also necessary to purchase services for the actual interment, the liner and installation, etc. These arrangements are made directly with the cemetery. Purchasing these services pre-need is also possible.

Four cemeteries are commonly used by Beth El members:

King David Memorial Gardens in Falls Church, Virginia. 703–566-4400. For several decades, there were no real alternatives to King David, despite its distance from Bethesda, and the vast majority of Beth El members at that time purchased gravesites in this cemetery. There is no specific Beth El section here, but the congregation does have a limited number of plots available for sale - contact the Beth El office at 301-652-2606.

Judean Gardens in Olney, Maryland. In recent times, this has become the cemetery of choice for Beth El members. Beth El now has two sections of contiguous plots for use by members. Arrangements are normally made through the Beth El office at 301-652-2606.
Mt. Lebanon Cemetery in Hyattsville, Maryland. 301-434-4640. The most convenient, in terms of location, of the Jewish cemeteries. All its plots allow for headstones.

Menorah Gardens in Rockville, Maryland. 301-881-2151. Not commonly used by Beth El members but also quite appropriate.

Garden of Remembrance, Clarksburg, Maryland. 301-428-3000. Washington Hebrew Congregation built this cemetery several years ago and has made plots available to the larger community. This is a very attractive property and it is anticipated that Beth El members will begin to buy plots here.

THE CHEVRA KADDISHA OF BETH EL
Jewish funeral and mourning practices are directed towards the needs of the family to relieve the intense grief that the death of a loved one brings and to help overcome any feelings of guilt, hurt, anger, or resentment that may occupy the heart and mind of the mourner. The Jewish way of mourning lessens the loneliness and isolation of the bereaved and brings the individual into a community of comforters.

The clergy of Beth El work with the Chevra Kaddisha to help the family through this always difficult time. The Chevra Kaddisha is a group of men and women dedicated to serving the needs of congregants who experience a death in the family. It provides a Shivah meal and, most importantly, will, on request, perform tahara. [The clergy arrange for minyan leaders, prayer books, and Shivah chairs as needed.] Tahara is the careful and caring preparation of the body of the deceased for burial, in accordance with Jewish custom and law. The traditional view is that each person is holy. Hence, the preparations for burial are done with respect and honor for the deceased.

The work of the Chevra Kaddisha constitutes a Chesed Shel Emet, a true act of kindness that is performed without ulterior motive, for the service can never be repaid. There is no charge for these services and no synagogue funds are allocated for them. Donations to Beth El’s Chevra Kaddisha Fund allow it to continue its work.

Any questions regarding the operations of Beth El’s Chevra Kaddisha should be directed to Darryl Sherman, Chairman, at 301-656-5263, or to the clergy. At the time of death, the clergy will contact the Chevra Kaddisha unless you prefer to work directly with them.

FROM THE TIME OF DEATH TO THE FUNERAL
Jewish law requires that burial take place as soon as possible. This is done as a sign of respect for the deceased, but is also of great psychological benefit to the family. In today's world, however, delays are often necessary to allow family members to gather. The Sabbath and Jewish holidays may also necessitate delays. The clergy should be consulted in these cases.

The following are considerations that we bring to your attention.

Shmirah (watching the body): It is traditional Jewish practice to not leave the deceased alone (unguarded) from the moment of death until burial. Some Beth El congregants follow this practice. It includes the recitation of Psalms while watching the body.

Shomrim (guardians): These may be relatives or personal friends of the deceased or members of the Congregation. There is also an area-wide Shomer service that will provide this service for a fee. Consult with the clergy or Chevra Kaddisha on this matter.

Autopsy/Organ Donation: Autopsy is very much discouraged, for the sake of honoring the deceased, and should be performed only if required by the authorities. Jewish law, contrary to popular opinion, permits organ donation under various conditions. The clergy should be consulted for the specifics of these matters.

Embalming: Embalming is contrary to Jewish practice and permitted only under unusual circumstances or where required. The latter is sometimes the case when death takes place out of the country.

Tahara (ritual cleansing): Participation in tahara is a mitzvah of the highest order and is performed by members of the Chevra Kaddisha who are knowledgeable about traditional customs. Cleansing of the body and ritual washing are accompanied by the recitation of prayers. Women perform taharot on women, men on men. Close relatives of the deceased do not perform tahara. Only members of the Chevra Kaddisha are permitted to be in the room during tahara.

Tachrichim (burial garments): We are all considered equal before God, whether we were rich or poor in life. Therefore the tradition requires that all Jews be buried in the same type of garment. Burial clothes are simple, handmade white garments, signifying purity, simplicity and dignity. A Jewish male is customarily buried wearing a kippah and a tallit. A Jewish woman may also be buried wearing her tallit if applicable.

Aron (casket): This should be made entirely of wood without decoration or lining. A “plain pine box” is the traditional coffin. Of course there are several levels of “plain pine box.” Mourners are encouraged to aim for simplicity and modesty. Earth from Israel is provided by the Chevra Kaddisha and placed within the coffin.

Flowers: These are not part of a Jewish burial. Sometimes they are sent by employers or others who are not aware of our tradition. They can be displayed in the shivah house or given to a nursing home, but will not be used at the funeral service. If someone asks about flowers, you may want to indicate that a contribution to a charitable cause in memory of the deceased is an appropriate way of expressing sympathy and respect. You may also wish to have available at the shivah some information about charities that were important to the deceased.

Cremation: In Jewish law this is not permitted. If the deceased has insisted on cremation, the clergy will discuss with you the kinds of services that are still possible.


THE DAY OF THE BURIAL
Funeral services may be held in the synagogue, the funeral home, or at graveside. This is one of the most important decisions to be made after a death takes place, and should be made in consultation with family and the clergy.

Other customs and considerations for the day of the burial:

Kria (rending the garment): Next of kin participate in kria prior to the funeral service. The garment to be rent (torn) is an item of daily clothing or a ribbon affixed to the clothing. The torn garment or ribbon is worn either seven or thirty days, except on the Sabbath.

Pallbearers: Pallbearers are chosen from among family and friends and accompany the casket and deposit it in the grave. This is an honor and a personal tribute to the deceased. Some lifting is required.

Viewing: Viewing the body is contrary to Jewish tradition’s emphasis on kibbud hamet (honoring the dead).

Kaddish: This prayer is recited for the first time after the burial. It should not be said if the family attends synagogue services between the death and burial.

Hand Washing: It is customary for those who go to the cemetery to wash their hands after leaving the cemetery. Some cemeteries provide washing bowls, more often it is necessary for these to be provided at the shivah house.


THE PERIODS OF MOURNING
Shivah (the first seven days according to tradition): Shivah is the period of intensive mourning observed by the immediate family of the deceased, beginning on the day of burial. The mourners include next of kin - those whose spouse, parent, sibling or child has died.

The mirrors in a Shivah house are to be covered, and a seven-day memorial candle is kindled. Mourners sit on lower seats where possible. It is customary to arrange for a meal of condolence (which traditionally includes round foods such as eggs) to be served to the mourners and those who have accompanied and returned home with them from the cemetery. A pail of water, a pitcher and hand towels should be placed outside the door of the house for those who went to the cemetery to wash their hands before entering the house.

Mourners are encouraged to participate in morning prayer services at synagogue and hold evening prayers in the Shivah house with the exception of Shabbat. Reciting Kaddish is one of the key parts of these services. Mourners may lead the prayer service in their home or request that the synagogue provide a leader.

Mourners are to be spared the obligation of offering any form of hospitality. Friends and relatives should help supervise the preparation and/or ordering of necessary food and supplies. The Chevra Kaddisha provides a platter at a time arranged with the family, either for the meal of condolence or later on in the Shivah period. Many who come to the Shivah house will bring food with them.

During the Shivah period, mourners are urged to stay away from work or school in order to have time to contemplate the meaning of the cycle of life and the adjustments that will be required of them.

Public mourning observances are suspended on the Sabbath as the sanctity and serenity of this day supersede one's personal grief. Mourners are encouraged to attend Sabbath services but are not given an Aliyah. Kria (the torn garment) is not displayed publicly. A major Holiday Festival terminates Shivah (consult the Rabbi for details.)

Shloshim (the first thirty days): during the thirty days following burial (except during Shivah) mourners may return to work and normal activities but refrain from public entertainment or social activities. They are encouraged to attend services on a daily basis and recite Kaddish. The K'ria is worn by some during shloshim, while others cease doing so at the conclusion of the Shivah.

Shanah (the first year): mourners for deceased parents continue to attend daily services to recite Kaddish for eleven months and continue to refrain from celebratory activities for a full year.

Yahrzeit (anniversary of death): the Kaddish is recited each year on the anniversary of the death (not the burial).

Yizkor (memorial prayers): Yizkor prayers are recited on Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, Pesach and Shavuot.


Bibliography:
Kolatch, Alfred J. The Jewish Mourners Book of Why
1993, Jonathan David Publishers

Lamm, Maurice The Jewish Way in Death and Dying
2000, Jonathan David Publishers

Riemer, Jack Jewish Reflections on Death
1974, Shocken Books

Riemer, Jack So That Your Values Live On –
Ethical Wills and How to Prepare Them
1991, Jewish Lights Publishing

Wolfson, Ron A Time to Mourn, A Time to Comfort
1993, Jewish Lights Publishing

Wolpe, David Making Loss Matter - Creating Meaning
in Difficult Times
1999, Penguin


A GUIDE TO THE JEWISH FUNERAL
Prepared by the Chevra Kaddisha in consultation
with the Beth El Clergy
Congregation Beth El of Montgomery County
8215 Old Georgetown Road
Bethesda, Maryland 20814
(301) 652-2606

Prepared January 2007